What I would say to Karen Dammann

UMR Communications
By Karen Booth
April 2, 2004

This past week I was at a regional gathering of evangelical clergy and laity. For the past decade, we have met twice a year to fellowship, worship and strategize together, but this time was especially significant because it occurred two days after the Rev. Karen Dammann's acquittal.

During a few minutes of conversation with the keynote speaker, he asked me a question:

"If you were face-to-face with Karen Dammann, what would you say to her? Suppose for a moment that there was no one watching, no one to impress, no one to misinterpret or misconstrue your words. And then suppose she would actually want to hear from you, what would you say?"

I admit I wasn't feeling particularly pastoral. I'd come to the meeting angry and frustrated, wondering as I had many times before exactly why I choose to remain a United Methodist.

But his question made me stop and think. I knew without a doubt that I would tell her that God loves her. Beyond that, I think I would just say, "I'm sorry."

Of course I would then have to clearly tell her what I am NOT sorry about. I'm not sorry that the majority of United Methodists name homosexuality for what it is — a sinful practice outside the perfect will of God. I think that Scripture, 2,000 years of church teaching, science, sociology and the experience of thousands of former homosexuals all attest to that truth.

Nor am I sorry that folk are outraged at the lack of integrity in her trial and verdict. I'm not sorry that we will have to try to hold her and her colleagues accountable through further legislative action, that simply being the way that we order our corporate life together.

I'm not even overly sorry that her actions may have precipitated schism. Our 32-year battle over sexuality is symptomatic of a much deeper theological divide, one that I'm not entirely convinced God wants us to bridge.

But I am sorry that some have concluded that all men and women who struggle with same-sex attraction are not Christians. That's because I believe that for many strugglers it's not a case of absence of faith, but of unfinished sanctification.

Christian songwriter Dennis Jernigan ("You Are My All in All") has publicly shared the story of his struggle with and gradual overcoming of homosexuality. I wonder how many people who sing his praise choruses realize that he had come to faith in Christ, considered going to seminary, received his call to music ministry, and was far advanced on his Christian journey before he fully yielded his sexuality to the transforming grace of the Lord.

I'm sorry Karen Dammann has chosen not to do the same; I'm sorrier still that there are those who would rather see her gone than offer her loving correction and restoration.

Finally, I'm sorriest that even if she did want to try to change, there would be precious little from our denomination to help her succeed. We've become quite adept at responding with words, but we seem far less willing to put those words into action. We say, "Hate the sin, love the sinner," but do we truly show any evidence of that love? I often suspect that even if we do settle things politically, we will still resist dealing with our own fear, avoidance, and apathy. And we will still fail to welcome same-sex strugglers and minister to them faithfully in love.

For that, Karen Dammann, I am really, really sorry. I just wish more of the church were, too.

The Rev. Karen Booth of Millsboro, Del., is executive director of Transforming Congregations, an unofficial United Methodist caucus group that helps people who attempt to overcome homosexuality.