My given name is Mary, but the Lady gave me the name Mother.  I'll answer to either.
I was born in 1956 in St. Paul, Minnesota, where I still reside.  Though Catholic by birth, I am Wiccan by choice.  I have no degrees or titles.  But I have things to share, things I've learned in my studies that I decided needed to be readily accessible in one location.   I began thinking about creating this site because I got frustrated when I wanted to know something, but couldn't remember where I'd seen it.  And here it is: Mother's Book of References.

So, why did I become Wiccan?  Have you ever awoke from a deep slumber with vague recognition of a dream, of a past, and to know it was real?  Or walked in the woods, with the sun flickering through shadows, and know that someone walked beside you?  Or watched a living animal die and not mourn for the end of their life because you knew they would live on?  I know these things, and have always known them.

I have a T-shirt that says, "Catholic by birth, Wiccan by choice."  The Catholism I was raised on continues to influence me but I am now able to realize it and deal with it.  That is important for it is a part of the person I am, and it is still very much a factor in the lives of my family members.

I was always a bad Catholic.  It became apparent in the first grade when I questioned the bible and the things we were taught, such as, "What is God?  God is love.  Well, how can he be love if he sent the flood?"  Principle’s  office; paddling session now open.  Or how about, "God created Adam and Eve and they were the first man and woman.  Okay, but then who made those other people that the children of Adam and Eve married?"  Yes, another paddling session, and then having my grandmother call my uncle, a priest, to come and talk to me.

I was fortunate in that he was very loving and understanding.  To this day, I remember the comment he made when he was told what I had done.  He laughed, looked at me and smiled, and said, "We’re going to have trouble with you, aren’t we?"  And he still laughed.  When we were alone, he told me it was okay to question these things, and that one day I’d find my own way to God.  Unfortunately for me, it took approximately 37 more years before I could say, "Yes, this is what I mean."

Before that happened, I experienced a personal crisis, hell-bent on totally destroying my life, as I really, REALLY tried to be a good Catholic thinking that would bring me out of my spiral.  What stopped the destruction was having a friend talk to me about Wicca, about why he had chosen this path.  Here was someone I thought I knew well, but never knew that he’d had the same doubts I did; never knew he experienced some of the things I had.  As he talked about his faith, and I talked about my personal beliefs of God, I realized we were talking about the same thing.

But my journey on this path I now voluntarily follow is not easy.  A heavy price was paid, but one I would give again.  It is a hard path to follow because it requires self-awareness and acceptance of my responsibilities for the way my life was going and the direction it will take.  It required, and still does, introspection upon the factors that influence my decisions.  Some of the insights are, "Well, like - duh," while others are painful and shocking.

Because of my Irish heritage, I use a Celtic pantheon for worship, but I do not follow a traditional Celtic path.  My path is my own, and I use it to explore who I am and who I have been.  Though I would like one day to be part of a coven, at this time I chose not to explore this since I feel it is more important to know who I am before I can commit to "perfect love and perfect trust" with others.

In the end, I may decide that the solitary path is best.   But that doesn’t prevent my participation with others through larger organizations to celebrate the Sabbats.  Just because one is solitary in practice does not mean that you have to be alone.  For every solitary out there, I encourage you to participate in open ritual whenever you have the opportunity.  It allows for a greater awareness of the variety of individual worship, and it gives you the chance to hear the viewpoints of others.

If there is one piece of advise I can give you, if you were raised in another faith, take the time to explore its teachings.  You may decide that some are still valid and have meaning in your life.  For all paths of enlightenment lead back to the creator.  While your path may not be mine, or mine yours, for just the moment taken to read this, we’ll walk our paths together.  And when we part, we’ll return to the shadows of the paths we individually follow, perhaps to meet once again.
 

© 2000 Mother