Week26

Handfasting & Separation

Handfasting and separation; wedding and divorce. A natural part of the human condition - the need to join with another. But just as we have the desire to join with another, the human condition, our personal growth, also gives rise to the risk that we will grow in different directions.

A handfasting is several things. It can be as permanent as a marriage, down to the actual legal ceremony conducted by a minister recognized by your home state. Or it can be as temporary as an engagement for the purposes of discovery to see if you should commit to a long-term relationship. In such a case, the handfasting is generally written to be binding on both parties for a year and a day. At the conclusion, it can either be renewed or both parties can go their separate ways without further commitment to each other. And it can be anything in between. In all cases, however, it is a binding thing either for a specific period of time or for a lifetime commitment.

A handfasting is gender neutral, meaning that two men or two women can handfast to each other. It can also be considered polyamoury in that three or more individuals may enter into such an arrangement. In the latter, a working partnership is usually expanding to include another member within the group.

Regardless of the intent of the handfasting, the ceremony (unless a permanent legal ceremony) can be conducted by a priest/ess of a coven. For solitary practitioners, there are ministers within the community who can provide this service if you do not have access to a coven. If you are unable to locate a coven, you might consider contacting a Unitarian Universalist Church.

Like any wedding, a handfasting ceremony is a personal ritual. If you are having one done through a coven, the coven may have a standard ritual it follows. If you use a Wiccan minister, s/he can offer you suggestions. But in any case, the vows you state to your partner(s) should be written by you.

Many covens require that you meet with an elder to determine the suitability of the match. They also ask that you know each other for a minimum time period. If there is any doubt, the elder will usually either urge you to commit to a handfasting for a year and a day, or else to wait longer before you take on the commitment.

But, as stated above, living means that we are constantly growing. And in time, our goals, our paths may take us in different directions. At such a time, a separation ceremony may be necessary to cut the ties that bind if this was intended to be a lifetime commitment. While it is meant to be a banishing ritual of the ties that bind, it is more importantly a healing ritual

As with the handfasting, those desiring a separation need to meet with an elder. It may be only that counseling is needed to help both parties see beyond the petty hurts to the truth of what lays between them. In such a case, the couple will be urged to take the time to explore the truths not spoken.

But the separation may be required because of abuse, or because one partner has taken a path totally separate from the other. In such a case, the separation ritual will involve only the one party.