In the year 2000, the awakening, I became aware of two ancient lifestyles and many of their facets.  The knowledge that I discovered has sprung, fully formed in many cases, directly into My mind.  Where much of this has come from is unknown to Me but I now accept things that the modern "logical" man may have to reject because it can not be logically explained.  Instead, in faith, and sometimes skepticism, I explore these ways.  And interestingly, things I once rejected are becoming more commonplace and understood to Me today.  Of course some, defy understanding, so I just use them and enjoy.

From My actinic darkness I shall endeavor to clearly tell you of what I know and what I'm learning.  Today, I consider Myself to be a vampiric healer and dragon warrior.  I shall attempt to detail what I know of these paths and what they mean to Me.

For some time I have been aware that I had an ability to manipulate energy or more specifically sexual, emotional and pranic (also known as life force, chi or ki) energy in people that I chose to and/or who were willing to allow it.  I first became aware of this ability during BDSM sessions with some of My submissives.  I found that I could intensify their sensations and feelings, I could link them together and each would feel what the other felt.

I began to explore this and use it but found that there were other uses that this ability could be put to as well.  After one particularly intense session at a BDSM function, I was resting with My two submissives and a young man who had been watching us began to question Me about what I was doing with them.  Being ever the diplomatic person, I attempted to answer his many and unending questions.  However, he was being relatively insensitive to My and their states of being.  I know that I was very tired and did not want to talk with him at this time but he did not take the hint, even when I directly told him that we desired to be left alone.  He bragged to Me that he was known to have great ki and wanted Me to teach him how I did the things that I did.  I attempted to point out that this was not the time and that I'd probably be unable to teach something that I barely understood.  He did not back off and finally I became angry and I reached out to his heart chakra and took away a large amount of energy.  I never actually touched the man but he visibly sagged in his chair and said, "I understand, I won't bother you anymore."

This event shook Me more than a bit because I saw that I could use the ability to steal energy or even hurt someone and it was possible that it could be used in anger.  Long ago I  decided that doing anything in anger with violence, and this was psychic violence, was wrong.  A lesson learned well from My past.  Of course, this does not preclude My accepting violence as an expression of anger in the future but at this point in My life, I feel it to be wrong in most circumstances.

As I explored more of this energy discipline I discovered things that caused Me a bit of discomfort due to My modern, "logical" methods of thinking.  Let's face it, in our modern empirical sciences we want to see "proof" of things before we embrace them and I'm not entirely sure that such "proof" can be had for things working in the spiritual realms.

I've found that I could center or ground Myself and even gain a bit of stable energy from large, typically older trees by simply touching them.  The peculiar part of this interchange was that I learned that they seemed "willing" to give Me their energy.  I actually felt that they were telling Me to take it, use it.  For some people this is no surprise but because in the past I've emphatically denied the reality of such possibilities, it is disconcerting to Me.  However, in the spirit of a balanced view of life, I've had to accept this along with the other gifts.  I suspect that nature worshipers and the druidic cults all know of this stuff much more than I but I am learning.  I also discovered that I can draw energy, although it feels a bit "empty" like I am still hungry for some reason, from storms, lightning seems to be highly attractive for Me but I've not yet discovered how to completely use it.  My preferred form still seems to be sexually derived energies.

Some of this energy interaction is covered, at least in part, in My Human Living Vampires page.

On a historical note, I have, in the past been called a "wounded healer" because of My ability to listen and empathize in such ways that people felt better and sometimes even made huge progress in their own process of healing from emotional wounds.  In many ways, I feel that what I do is simply caring for those around Me.  It is a process that I use and attempt to improve when I can because there is so much pain and confusion in life.  If I can help alleviate any of that pain and/or confusion, I will do so.  I also know, from My own life and experience, that sometimes people will refuse to be healed for many different reasons and so I never attempt to force anything on others.

Today, I am pretty well convinced that all of these things come together in a balance that I call the warrior way.  A view of life that allows Me to use the past as a learning experience but not allow it to trap Me in it's tenacious grasp.  Rather than concentrating on the negative things from the past, I concentrate on the only time and place that has any real meaning and impact.  Here and now.  Today I try to live in the present.  I use the past to teach Me how to do things in the now that will make the coming times better but most certainly to enjoy the current circumstances and events.

I also recognize that there is a delicate balance in My life of good/evil, light/dark, creative and destructive forces and that I must embrace all of them.  These are the ying and yang of life.

A touch of who I am is needed here to preface and frame the following developments.  I am a real mix of peoples and heritages.  I have, on My mother's side, Iroquois Indian, French and English and on My father's side Chinese.  And on that Chinese side, our ancestry is traced back to AD 976 to the second emperor of the Sung dynasty, emperor T'ai Tsung (which is how I've seen it written in western languages).  Of course, the emperors of China often were identified with various dragons or they identified themselves with dragons.  In China, unlike in Europe, the dragon is a positive, life giving entity.  I'd recommend that you read Chinese Dragons before you proceed further.

Anyhow, at some point in the year of awakening, on an emotionally stormy, dark and windy night, a powerful black dragon came to Me.  I was nearly overwhelmed by his presence.  In My vision, he was black as the night but the edges of his scales, claws and horns of his crest all caught the light with golden gleams.  But his eyes were most captivating, they swirled a deep cobalt blue, near the blackness of space but with an inviting warm dark blue tint much like the jeweled planet we lived on with gold flecks sparkling and inviting Me to fall into them.  He touched My mind and soul and suddenly I was able to see the world from his viewpoint, I was able to soar above the planets, I knew life that would last millennia, I knew of the powers of storms, lightning was a toy, the stars were our home and mankind was virtually insignificant.  Yet, even with that cool, almost cold viewpoint and power I could feel a reason behind his interest in Me and mankind.  Somehow, we were linked.

At the moment, it felt that it would be sacrilegious to ask him any questions, so I simply flew with him, far above the earth, and listened to the mighty rushing winds as we moved through a reality that I'd never noticed before.  My soul was transformed as we became one.  Separate but joined somehow.  I watched the world moving below us, both faster than I'd ever seen yet it did not appear that we were doing more than slowly drifting.  I realized that he was showing Me something but I could not understand.  It took time to adjust to his power, I was limiting Myself through lessons that I learned from other humans.  Then I saw it.  Like a clearly seen revelation but found in a time of high activity, it was clear and fleeting, but slowly becoming more clear.  The near futility of such short lives, and the fact that we humans were choosing to ignore our creative potential, the gift that we owned but denied, even to ourselves.  I also saw that time was fluid, we could experience many things within a single moment.  And with that recognition I was suddenly, heartbreakingly, back on the mundane front porch of My home and feeling lost and sad for a moment.  I reached out to him and knew that he was there, waiting for Me, covering Me with his wings and protection.

Since that time, I have spent times with him and he's never seemed to be too far from Me.  I've learned his name, spoken to Me on the winds of our link of souls.  He is an elemental dragon, power his name, T'sai in the ancient tongue of the emperors of China.  We are linked in a way that is hard to explain, we each feel each other's presence, needs, desires, frustrations and thoughts.  He wishes to serve but does not want to weaken Me in doing so.  So many things are left to Me directly, but he lends power and his wisdom/viewpoints when I most need it.  To learn more of T'sai himself, go to T'sai.

Respectful comments or questions may be sent to MasterE.