The two defining characteristics of Klingons everywhere: Honor! Glory! Warrior-- OK, the THREE defining characteristics of Klingons everywhere. And Kahless, too. Never forget Kahless. The spirit of Kahless lives on in all Klingons who live every day with honor and glory. Set your recording devices for 9PM and tune into TARG TV for some Very Special Episodes in honor of--what else--Honor and Glory!
Monday
6 PM: News
7 PM: Battleship Vengeance--an
all new episode!
8 PM: Wild World of Sports. The Romulan Cheaters
vs. the Kronos Klin are slated to play in the final game to determine the
championship of the Galaxy. What are you doing watching the game on TV?
Get out there and root for the Klin in person! You won't see a more exciting
game of Go Fish anywhere! Tune in only if the tix are all sold out.
9PM: Special: Miracle at 34 Stock Market
Way : A Ferengi intent on destroying the finances of everyone other than
himself has a change of heart brought on by a Terran in a red suit whose
sole purpose is to give until it hurts.
10:30 PM: Federation Election Results. A TARG
TV exclusive! The Andorian, who has been selected by the Federation Special
Council, discovers that his erstwhile gory opponent has found the ballot
box hidden in the bushes. He sends the box to the recycling center and
the employees decide to look inside out of curiosity. What's in the box?
TARG TV is there with cameras as the box is opened for the first time.
Also, be sure to tune in for more of the previous administration's dirty
underwear, and the remodeling of the soon-to-be Mauve and Teal House continues
as another 111 floors are added to the rotunda.
Midnight: Crossfire. No holds barred! A special
call-in line to vote for your favorite weapons!
Tuesday
6 PM: News
7 PM: Y'anI' in concert: Y'anI' has set up his
613 piece string quartet in the War Room at the Great Hall. Will this concert
inspire the war effort? Stay tuned and find out.
8 PM: Today
on K'Ditzy
8:30 PM: This old ship. K'Skotty discusses disposal
techniques. What DO you do with a dishonored Klingon in the midst of battle.
And stay tuned for the special Duct Tape and Chewing Gum segment. There
is always more uses for duct tape and chewing gum when building explosives..
9PM: Special: An Empire Union Day Opera: A dishonorable
warrior is forced to examine missed opportunities to show courage and honor,
becoming the most honorable, glorious warrior in the spirit of Kahless.
A special introduction by Emperor Kahless.
11PM: Late Night "B" Movies: Plan XII from Down
the Hatch.. Ed sutai-WuD and codirector Alan tai-Smithee present a tale
about a mysterious occurrence aboard a submarine in a bottle floating through
space..
1AM: World Batleth Association Semifinals
Wednesday
6 PM: News
7 PM: Moldy Rerun Hour: The most popular TV Shows
from decades past are featured in this time slot! Tune in to what your
grandparents were watching as teens.
8 PM: The Shakespeare Hour. The classics are
performed according to the traditional scripts as originally written by
the Bard.
9PM: Special: How the Romulans Stole Empire Union
Day: A Romulan marauder from the 29th century has begun removing time in
an attempt to eliminate Klingon holidays from the calendar in an attempt
to leave them nothing to celebrate. But the Klingons show that they never
need an excuse to party.
Midnight: Headbutting Fever. Four couples headbutt
to music and compete for prizes.
Thursday
6 PM: News
7 PM: TargCage the series. The young warriors
on their honeymoon. Watch the looks on the other hotel guests faces as
they come downstairs after the wedding night with bites and bruises to
show for a wild night of poetry reading.
7:30 PM: The Wonderful World of Nature. Join
us on a safari to hunt dangerous beasts on various worlds. Tune in this
week for an especially dangerous predator--the Giant Gnat.
8 PM: TengchaH BejwI' Space Station Sentinel.
Oh no! Tribbles have invaded the station! Who build this station in a main
Tribble shipping lane? Or has the station been serruptitiously moved without
the knowledge of the Station Command staff?
9 PM: Special: Fighting All the Way: Two warriors
in a duel to the death over who gets to give the paisley couch to their
relatives. The directors cut! only on TARG TV, thrill to the never before
seen footage of the dreaded fruitcake attack.
10 PM: The Emperor Speaks. Emperor Kahless has
his weekly fireside chat to let us know who our enemies are today.
11 PM: This Old Ancestral Hall: Has this ever
happened to you? Your hall is broken into during dinner and you fight the
invaders, killing them all? What do you do about the entrails in the dessert?
Everyone knows that entrails and chocolate are not meant to be served together.
Guest star, M'arta' K'Ste'wart, gives us valuable tips. And don't miss
the Futile Gourmet disagreeing. He is convinced that blood is a glorious
garnish for any meal.
11:30 PM: Totally Dangerous Stunts. Several Terran
tourists afflicted with CamCorderCourage attempt to impress warriors with
their bravery by performing dangerous stunts such as: Humming "Qoy' Kahless
puqloD" across from the Romulan Senate. Suntanning on Rura Pente. Walking
into an Orion karaoke bar and insisting on singing "It's Not Easy Being
Green".
Friday
6 PM: News
7 PM: After School Special. An educational show
for young warriors. Sponsored by the Imperial Institute of Training Videos.
9 PM: Special: It's An Honorable Life: A Klingon
regrets never becoming a warrior laments that he should never have been
born. He gets his wish.
10 PM: Death Match: Way of the Targ. A rivalry
between two warriors erupts into a duel to the death.
11 PM: NCC 90210. The Federation sends the USS
Beverly Hills as ambassadors to the Klingon Empire.
Midnight: Weapons Shopping Network.
Saturday
6 PM: News
7 PM: Telethon for the Klingon Widows and Orphans
Fund: Because you can never have too many widows and orphans.
8 PM: The
K Files. K'Skully and M'uldar investigate unlikely phenomena.
9 PM: Music Television. The Empire has been accused
of not allowing musicians to record whatever music they want, so we're
here to prove the Feddie naysayers wrong. We're showing an entire hour
of subversive Feddie music videos. See just why these videos are not for
our children. Featuring the songs "Feelings" and "Having My Baby" and "McArthur
Park". Parental Advisory. You've been warned.
10:PM: So'Park. K'Eny is guilty of surviving
his execution so they have to kill him again.
Midnight: Gavel to Gavel Coverage of the High
Council Session complete with fighting technique analyses by the Empire's
finest warriors.
Sunday
6 PM: News
7 PM: I Dream of Kahless. An Imperial Marine
discovers a weird-looking bottle on a desert planet .
8 PM: Absolutely,
Totally, Fantastic, Awesome Discoveries! Inventors describe their great
new gadgets.
8:30 PM: The Futile Gourmet: This week, the Futile
Gourmet discusses the best method of making qagh chow mein.
9 PM: The Cutlery Hour: Our host describes the
finest of bladed weapons and which common kitchen utensils make the best
weapons against relatives who try to help you cook or tell you that your
kitchen is not clean enough.
10 PM: News
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